If you've read the little About The Girl tab, or some of my other posts, you'll know about my EDNOS diagnosis. In brief, it's an eating disorder that began from long term deep-rooted issues with food and reared its ugly head in sixth form. In contrast to the other conditions I suffer from, it's one that I strongly feel the desire to eradicate from my life. But as many of you will know, unfortunately you can't just click your fingers and be done with a condition once you decide to overcome it. It feels like it's taking forever and often I forget how far I've come. Sometimes I just want to give up entirely and this is the list of things I remind myself I want to change by leaving disordered eating behind me.
Without struggle there is no progress
- I want to know I will always be able to eat at a restaurant/at someone's house without feeling sick
- I want to be able to eat in front of anyone, and not have to revolve/organise my life (or other peoples' lives) around my eating problems
- I want to stop the panic attacks
- I dont want to be ashamed of myself, or feel that others are embarassed of me
- I want to stop wasting food due to not being able to finish it
- I'm fed up of my hair falling out and constantly feeling freezing cold
- I want to be able to have more confidence in myself and my abilities, and be more comfortable with the way I look
- I want to live the life I had planned out for myself before I got ill
- I want to be able to go out and be around people without constantly comparing myself to others and fearing being judged
- I hate feeling hungry, faint, and nauseous
- I want people to stop feeling sorry for me and worrying about me
- I want to be healthy and have more energy and motivation
- I want to break the cycle of being consumed by negative thoughts and living life in misery
- I want to have children, one day
- I want to be able to look behind me and know I conquered everything that was thrown my way
- I want to help other people
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